Sean's Blog

Sean C. Higgins has been on a journey to become a Transformation Specialist. As he progresses on that journey, he has faced many questions that has caused him to contemplate his path and direction. He shares his contemplations in his blog.

Caring What People Think

I consider myself a caring person. I care how people are doing. I care about what is going on in their life. I try to remember their birthdays. I try and reach out when there is an important event in their life. I try and keep in contact with them over the years. I know that I have many special relationships, because of the caring that I have for people. Where I think that this breaks down is when I care about what people think of me. In some of those cases, instead of saying what the person needs to hear, or what I believe, I say what I think they want to hear. Instead of doing what I think is right, I do what I think they want me to do. In both cases, I am limiting who I am as a person by trying to be what I think they want me to be. I have the biggest problem with this with people of power, like my boss. Sometimes, I sit in meetings with these people and instead of being with the energy and allowing me to answer from me, I am more concerned with saying what I think these people want to hear. To be in alignment with them, instead of saying something that might disappoint them. Though I consider that by doing this, I am caring, but in reality I am only caring about me. Afraid of being rejected. Wanting their acceptance. If I am not being true to myself, does it really matter if I have their acceptance or not? If I am trying...

The Desire to Please

I was recently on a phone call with my manager and a client about the work I had recently done for the client. It was part of a new program that we are developing, and I am leading to make our client experience better. The client had said they loved me and my manager wanted to talk to them for more feedback on how we were doing in the delivery of the service we are providing to the client. I originally expected just the main contact person to be on the call and she invited her whole team. She started the call saying how pleased she was with the deployment and specifically pointed out how please she was with the work I had done. On the side, my manager messaged me saying, They really do love you. I would say that he was pleased with the work I had done with the client. It was a nice way to finish the day. As the evening went on, I started to think about next week and realized that I was going to see another client to do the same type of work and I almost had a panic attack around What if this customer does not love me? Heck, I have set such a high standard with the first customer, what if it does not go as well? I had to sit with that for a few moments and wonder where it came from and then I realized that I wanted to please my manager. It had felt good to please my manager that I did not want to let...

Critical Voice

I was recently listening to The Tapping Solution to Create Lasting Change by Jessica Ortner and she was talking about silencing the critical voice in our heads. The voice that keeps telling you you are too old, you are too fat, you are not smart enough, just to name a few things. As I was listening to her talk about the critical voice, I was wondering what my critical voice has told me and other than you are too old. I am not certain that my critical voice has held me back like Jessica was explaining. Where I think my critical voice has held me back is to make sure I have conformed with what I believe society wants to see from me. In reality, it is how I have limited myself and nothing to do with society. My critical voice has been telling me follow the chain of command, do not rock the boat, you should take this "management" job, because that is what you should do, you need to wait for guidance from above on what you are supposed to be doing, you should be married and have a family. In my case, the critical voice is not always wrong. Being married and having a family has brought a lot of joy to me. My critical voice is there to keep me safe as it does not like change. In my case, my belief is that rocking the boat might cause me to lose my job, which would make me not safe. My critical voice in keeping me safe has probably kept me from really enjoying life...

Helping People

I was listening to a podcast this morning on my way to Starbucks and it was talking about making changes, and it started to ask, what changes are you afraid to make in your life? As I was walking and thinking about that, the one thing that I really want to do in my life is I want to help people become the best version of themselves. and I have to admit, that when I really let myself go and be in the flow, that is what I do. I help a lot of people by simply listening to them and asking questions to help them go deeper to give them some additional ways to think or consider about what they are telling me. And, that I can do so much more. I have taken training on various different techniques that I might be able to use to help people and I have used them some time to time to help people, but I have not really jumped into the deep end of the pool to help people. So, as I was walking, I began to wounded why and I think there are two reasons that I have not jumped into the deep end of the pool. One is safety and two is fear of being accepted. I am safe in what I do today. I like what I do for the most part. It is comfortable and when I really feel into it, it has been a rut for a while. And, how I want to help people feels comfortable and yet feels so different from what I...

Remember, Life is a Journey

Sometimes I have to remind myself that Life is a journey. We are on a journey in this lifetime. It was not meant to be lived to obtain a goal and just ride out the rest of your life at that point. I do believe that some people think that and I know that I get stuck in that from time to time. When I was younger, it was easy to keep growing. I was in school and there was goal to graduate. Then there was a goal to go to university and graduate from that. After that, it was supposed to be get a job, get married and raise a family until retirement and at that point you were supposed to enjoy life, but that can lead to a very boring life. In the plant world, you are either growing or you are dying, and I think for the most part, that is how we are in physical form. Our bodies are continually regenerating themselves. I have heard that all the cells in our body are replaced every seven days. So, every week, we are a new physical form. So, what does it mean to continue growing in the later years of your life? First, what are those later years? I think those later years are anytime after which you believe you are done growing. Maybe that is when you get your dream job and want to ride it out. Maybe that is when you hit a plateau in your career and do not feel you can go any higher or further. If I look at those later...

Time to Blog Again

It has been a long time since I have written a blog post and it is not that I have not been writing, it is more that I have not been sharing what I am writing, or more specifically, what I am going through. Writing is a way for me to work through what I am going through. Sometimes my writing is just documenting what is going on, but when I am really writing, I am looking at what is going on in my life and seeking guidance, which comes in allowing the writing to flow and go where it needs to go. The written word is a form a meditation for me. When I am really seeking and trying to understand, writing has been healing for me. I have known for a while that I have needed to share what I am writing, but I have been afraid to share, afraid to shine the light on me, to show you my challenges and my growth. If I show you my challenges, I fear that you will see me as imperfect, flawed, incapable of helping others, and that is where I am perfect. I am perfect where I am, going through my challenges, and everyone else has their own challenges. I was reminded of this recently from a best selling author who told the story of the panic she went through on her book tour. She had to be reminded by her mentor that we all go through it. We are all challenged and have issues all the time. We are a work in progress. I know that and...

Who do I want to be?

On my way to the office this week, I was listening to a podcast and the guest asked “who do you want to be?” “Who do I want to be?” is an interesting question. I have been very focused on “what do I want?” and I have had a hard time defining what I want - for many reasons, one of which is that “what I want” is outside of me. It is about things. Yes, I will agree that that is not the only reason, but when compared to “who do I want to be?”, I feel this question is more about starting within me. It gets into the core of me. It gets me to be me before I can consider answering that question. There is a similar thought that I pondered several times in my life and that was “begin with the end in mind” from Stephen R. Covey. His exercise around “begin with the end in mind” was to imagine your funeral and imagine the various areas of your life. In each of those areas, like husband, father, friend, imagine who is speaking about you and what would they say. In all the times I have thought through this exercise, I do not believe I have ever imagined a person talking about what I got in life. Nobody talked about the house I lived in, or the cars that I drove, they all talked about how I made them feel and how I treated them. Getting back to “who do I want to be?”, the first answer is that I want to be me and...

What is Vulnerability?

What is vulnerability? That is an interesting question that I have been pondering. As I was talking about an issue I was having with a friend of mine. She kept poking me with questions to take me deeper and  the word vulnerability showed up for me. As I looked at vulnerability, the image that I received was that of a Roman Sentry in full battle gear - shield, armor, helmet and spear. Feeling into this image, I could feel vulnerability being a weakness. If I was vulnerable, I could not protect the people that I love. Being in this armor, life feels very restrictive, very tense - I always had to be ready to protect, to fight for the people that I love. In this image, I felt like I had to make sure that I did not fail, because failing would mean that the people that I love would be hurt and how could I let them be hurt. Failing meant that I might loose my job and if I lost my job, how could I provide for, or protect, my family. Fear of failing means I need to play it safe, keep my head down, and not speaking up. Being restricted by the armor, keeps me from asking for help. I believe I have to do it all, and by myself. If somebody asks me to do something, I have to take it on and do it - no matter what, because I am not vulnerable, I can do it all. I am protecting them. Staying away from vulnerability meant that I had to be careful what...

Do you want things?

For a while now, I have been trying to figure out what I want and having a very hard time defining what I want and I think I am finally realizing that I have been conditioned to want "things" and I am starting to become dissatisfied with "things". Don’t get me wrong, I have had a lot of things in my life and I have manifested a lot of things in my life. For example, at one time, I desired a BMW 7 series car and I manifested one. I loved driving it. The BMW 7 series is a wonderful car to drive, but it felt like a bit much of a car for me. I was always worried about it getting scratched or hit or what people were thinking about plain old simple me in this nice fancy car. I then manifested a BMW 5 series and felt much more comfortable in the 5 series over the 7 series. Yes, I know the 5 series is not as nice at the 7 series and I miss the 7 series, but I feel more comfortable in the 5 series. What is it about what I want that I really want? In thinking about that question, I am starting to realize that what I really want is the experiences, feelings, or memories that I am getting from the wanting. At one time, I had a bigger house on a multi acre property. It was a wonderful house, but what I really loved about that house was the memories that I have from living there, like the parties that we hosted...

What Are You Creating?

Have you ever considered that you are creating your life? And I can hear all of you saying, “But” and I know you are saying it because I am saying it to myself. How can I be creating my life if I have so many problems in my life. I do not have enough money. My job is a pain in the butt. My kids drive me nuts. My car is falling apart. And let’s not even get started about my family. What would it take for your situation to change? And I know some of you will say more money. Why do you not have more money? Well, didn’t you see my list above. Yes, I saw your list and we all have our lists and if you really think about it, they are your excuses and if you are willing to consider your list as excuses, then just maybe you can consider that you have created these excuses as part of the life that you created. I know that I have been thinking about this idea that I have created the life that I have for a while and I am starting to consider three possibilities about why I have created the life that I have. First, I have created this life because I have attracted it to me. If I look at my thoughts about my life, then I can start to see that I have attracted this life to me. Consider your thoughts. Are you thinking about all the money you do not have, or are you thinking about all the ways you can create...

Happy 80th Dad!

Today would have been my father’s 80th Birthday. It is hard to believe that it has been just over six months since he passed away. Since he has past, we have celebrated his life not once, but twice. Gotten the entire family together for only the second time since my mother passed away. Cleaned out his house, sold it, and found new homes for all of his possessions. Went to Yankee Stadium and watched the Red Sox beat the Yankees, which my father would have liked, but my sister did not. And that is just the stuff related to my father’s passing. For me personally, I was initially relieved that my father had passed. His health was declining and I think he was ready to move on from this life when the time came. Several weeks after my father’s passing, I noticed that I had become angry and I really could not put my finger on it until I was talking to a friend about it and she asked me to really lean into the anger. To my surprise, the anger was directed against my father, which made me even more perplexed. Why would I be angry at my father? He was no longer here in the physical form and I felt good that he had moved on and not suffering. Again, my friend asked me to lean in and feel why I was angry. As I leaned into the anger, I received that I had lived my life around pleasing my father and without him here, there was nobody left to please and the anger was about “how...

My Father

Last Thursday, my father past. I know that my father was not doing well and that his time would be soon, but this was pretty quick. He was not doing well, but we still had some hope that he would get better and then he had a bad night and was unresponsive the next morning. It was shortly after that, that he past away. I was sad and lost when I got the news. I was in San Francisco just about to leave for dinner with a friend of mine and just did not know what to do. I eventually went back to my hotel and booked a flight to Myrtle Beach to be with my family. I was not certain what to feel. It was a lot different than when my mother past. When my mother past, I wanted everybody to know as soon as possible. I posted that my mother has past on every social media that I was on, but for my father, I just posted that I was going to say goodbye to my father. Thankfully, my friends understood and sent their wishes and condolences. Some of the messages talked about my father being a “great man” and at first, I wondered who they were talking about? Did they know the man that I knew? He was a pretty stern father, but as I let those comment soak in, I started to remember the good times with my father. Yes, my father was very strict in raising us and I believe he was because he wanted something better for us. He flunked out of college and...

What Do I Want?

I have struggled with this question for years. There are areas where I have gotten what I have wanted, but I do not think that I have really ever fully embraced what I wanted. I was brought up to go to school, get a job, and you would have that job for a life time and then you would retire from that job and the pension you collected would take care of you and I had a strong role model for that, my father. Yes, I know that my father really did not like his job, he counted down the years to retirement and has been taken care of through his retirement from the company that he worked for so many years. Growing up, I have set goals and achieved them, but I do not think that I have ever set a goal for what I wanted in my work space. Work hard and the company will take care of you has worked for me for so many years. Why would I change my approach? Why? Because I know there is more that I can do and working hard at my job does not allow me to do the more that I think I am capable of. By working hard, my job will want me to just work harder and that may not be in alignment with what I really am capable of doing for the company, but it really comes down to what do I want? Yes, we are back to the question that started this whole trip. If I do not allow myself to answer the question...

Closing 2015

Today is the last day of 2015 and tomorrow, we begin 2016. I am approaching 2016 with more optimism than I did when I approached 2015. At the beginning of 2015, I had no idea what 2015 would bring, nor did I know what I wanted in 2015.In the first few weeks of 2015, I thought that I figured out what I wanted. I got really clear and excited about what I wanted to do and how I was going to do it. I even started to act as if it was already real, but it did not happen and then I was lost. I became uncertain about why my desires did not become my reality when I thought I was doing everything right to create my reality. So, what did I do? I put my head down and took care of what was in front of me and along the way, I became more clear about what I was supposed to be doing. The idea that I had at the beginning of the year was not what I was supposed to be doing and what showed up was more inline with what I was supposed to be doing. It took me most of the year to see that what I was doing during the year was more inline with what I was supposed to be doing versus what I wanted to create at the beginning of the year. As well, what was in front of me was only a small part of what I was supposed to be doing. I guess I needed to accept what was in...

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas to all! What is Christmas to you? One of the things that signifies Christmas to me is The Roger Whittaker Christmas Album. My father introduced this album to our family a long time ago and to me it is a wonderful expression of Christmas. I find that I get the most enjoyment from it when I listen to the album in the sequence it is presented on the album. Each song is well done and each song is very uplifting to me. None of the songs are the traditional songs that I grew up singing, but each one is special to me, like “Darcy the Dragon” which is the story of the troubles a dragon has buying Christmas gifts for his friends, because every time a dragon speaks, he breaths fire. “Country Christmas” reminds me of what it was like growing up in the country on Christmas with the fun of skating and sledding. “Home for Christmas” was my experience when I was getting ready to return from university for the Christmas holidays. The song starts with remembering what is going on back home and how it will be when I got home. For the traditionalists, there is “The Governor’s Dream”. “ The Governor’s Dream” is a premonition that Christ is coming and how troubling the dream was for the governor. As well, there is “Mama Mary”. “Mama Mary” has to be one of my favourites. It asks the questions of Mother Mary of how she felt about being the mother of Jesus. Finally, the album ends with “Tiny Angels”, which really hit home for me when...

Good Sunday Morning

Good Morning! It is Sunday morning and I am here at my local Starbucks doing what I try to do every weekend morning, write. Unless I have something on a weekend morning, I am normally here and writing something. Sometimes what I write makes enough sense to publish on my website and sometimes what I write is just a bunch of thoughts. Sometimes, I go down a rabbit hole with work and get work done, but I just chalk it up to that was what needed to come out of me at the time. What I write is really a reflection of what is going on in my life at the time. I enjoy writing, especially when I sit down and just write. I find that when I try and write something specific, I usually have a hard time until it is ready to come forth, but when I sit down and just focus on writing, something comes out. I try not to judge it, edit it, or control it. I just try to let it flow. Does writing always clear things for me? No, and I use other methods to help me bring my clear thoughts forward. I will go for walks, or runs. A walk is a good and peaceful way for me to collect my thoughts and running is a way for me to burn through some energy, because sometimes I have built up too much emotional charge around an issue to see what is really in front of me. After walking or running, I still find that sitting down and writing helps me clearly articulate my...

What is Life Calling You to Do?

Have you ever taken a moment and wondered why you chosen this lifetime? Are you just going from day to day doing the same things everyday? I know that sometimes I am guilty of doing just that. Getting up, going to work, coming home, going to bed, and repeat. I have put a high priority on work and my world has revolved around work. It was so bad at one time that I was lost on the weekend, because I have no work to do. Thankfully, I am getting better. Yes, work is a high priority for me, but I am finding time for me and those things that really matter for me. How am I doing it? I am starting to slow down and listen. I am listening to the inner voice coming from inside me. I am asking questions of myself and others and I am trying not to take on the energy of those around me. For you that do not understand energy, one example is that I am not taking on their urgency in a situation. Sometimes, people make things more urgent than it needs to be. I am working on coming up with my own urgency and asking questions helps me do that. At work, this can be challenging, and I like to make decisions, but I want to make the right decision and not the one that seems right because somebody is yelling at me. For example, I have a sales person at our organization who wants to close a deal and deliver it by the end of the year and we are...

You Cannot Give Away What You Do Not Have

On the way to workout this morning, I was listening to Wayne Dryer’s “It’s Never Crowded Along the Extra Mile”. In the book, he talks about his 10 secrets for success and inner peace. The principle that he talked about during this morning's commute was that “you cannot give away what you do not have.” From a physical point of view, this make perfect sense. I cannot give you $10, if I do not posses $10, but Wayne was talking about something deeper than physical items. His first example was to talk about how you cannot give away love, if you do not love yourself first. Pause and think about this for a moment. Does this make sense to you? It took me a moment to believe what Wayne was talking about. He talked about peace. How can we as people have peace, if we do not know peace within us first? If you do not know peace, how can you create it outside of yourself? If you are not happy, how can you make other happy? Yes, I know it is a choice for others to be happy or not, but you cannot be an example of happiness, unless you know it first. All that is, comes from within me. Which ties right into what I am learning from Christy Whitman's "Abundance Course." In the course, Christy is teaching that everything comes from within me. For years, I have always thought when “this” happens, then I will have that. I have believed that my perfect day will begin with a workout in my home gym and then a meditation...