Sean's Blog

Sean C. Higgins has been on a journey to become a Transformation Specialist. As he progresses on that journey, he has faced many questions that has caused him to contemplate his path and direction. He shares his contemplations in his blog.

Who do I want to be?

On my way to the office this week, I was listening to a podcast and the guest asked “who do you want to be?” “Who do I want to be?” is an interesting question. I have been very focused on “what do I want?” and I have had a hard time defining what I want – for many reasons, one of which is that “what I want” is outside of me. It is about things. Yes, I will agree that that is not the only reason, but when compared to “who do I want to be?”, I feel this question is more about starting within me. It gets into the core of me. It gets me to be me before I can consider answering that question. There is a similar thought that I pondered several times in my life and that was “begin with the end in mind” from Stephen R. Covey. His exercise around “begin with the end in mind” was to imagine your funeral and imagine the various areas of your life. In each of those areas, like husband, father, friend, imagine who is speaking about you and what would they say. In all the times I have thought through this exercise, I do not believe I have ever imagined a person talking about what I got in life. Nobody talked about the house I lived in, or the cars that I drove, they all talked about how I made them feel and how I treated them. Getting back to “who do I want to be?”, the first answer is that I want to be me and...

What is Vulnerability?

What is vulnerability? That is an interesting question that I have been pondering. As I was talking about an issue I was having with a friend of mine. She kept poking me with questions to take me deeper and  the word vulnerability showed up for me. As I looked at vulnerability, the image that I received was that of a Roman Sentry in full battle gear – shield, armor, helmet and spear. Feeling into this image, I could feel vulnerability being a weakness. If I was vulnerable, I could not protect the people that I love. Being in this armor, life feels very restrictive, very tense – I always had to be ready to protect, to fight for the people that I love. In this image, I felt like I had to make sure that I did not fail, because failing would mean that the people that I love would be hurt and how could I let them be hurt. Failing meant that I might loose my job and if I lost my job, how could I provide for, or protect, my family. Fear of failing means I need to play it safe, keep my head down, and not speaking up. Being restricted by the armor, keeps me from asking for help. I believe I have to do it all, and by myself. If somebody asks me to do something, I have to take it on and do it – no matter what, because I am not vulnerable, I can do it all. I am protecting them. Staying away from vulnerability meant that I had to be careful what...

Do you want things?

For a while now, I have been trying to figure out what I want and having a very hard time defining what I want and I think I am finally realizing that I have been conditioned to want “things” and I am starting to become dissatisfied with “things”. Don’t get me wrong, I have had a lot of things in my life and I have manifested a lot of things in my life. For example, at one time, I desired a BMW 7 series car and I manifested one. I loved driving it. The BMW 7 series is a wonderful car to drive, but it felt like a bit much of a car for me. I was always worried about it getting scratched or hit or what people were thinking about plain old simple me in this nice fancy car. I then manifested a BMW 5 series and felt much more comfortable in the 5 series over the 7 series. Yes, I know the 5 series is not as nice at the 7 series and I miss the 7 series, but I feel more comfortable in the 5 series. What is it about what I want that I really want? In thinking about that question, I am starting to realize that what I really want is the experiences, feelings, or memories that I am getting from the wanting. At one time, I had a bigger house on a multi acre property. It was a wonderful house, but what I really loved about that house was the memories that I have from living there, like the parties that we hosted...

What Are You Creating?

Have you ever considered that you are creating your life? And I can hear all of you saying, “But” and I know you are saying it because I am saying it to myself. How can I be creating my life if I have so many problems in my life. I do not have enough money. My job is a pain in the butt. My kids drive me nuts. My car is falling apart. And let’s not even get started about my family. What would it take for your situation to change? And I know some of you will say more money. Why do you not have more money? Well, didn’t you see my list above. Yes, I saw your list and we all have our lists and if you really think about it, they are your excuses and if you are willing to consider your list as excuses, then just maybe you can consider that you have created these excuses as part of the life that you created. I know that I have been thinking about this idea that I have created the life that I have for a while and I am starting to consider three possibilities about why I have created the life that I have. First, I have created this life because I have attracted it to me. If I look at my thoughts about my life, then I can start to see that I have attracted this life to me. Consider your thoughts. Are you thinking about all the money you do not have, or are you thinking about all the ways you can create...

Happy 80th Dad!

Today would have been my father’s 80th Birthday. It is hard to believe that it has been just over six months since he passed away. Since he has past, we have celebrated his life not once, but twice. Gotten the entire family together for only the second time since my mother passed away. Cleaned out his house, sold it, and found new homes for all of his possessions. Went to Yankee Stadium and watched the Red Sox beat the Yankees, which my father would have liked, but my sister did not. And that is just the stuff related to my father’s passing. For me personally, I was initially relieved that my father had passed. His health was declining and I think he was ready to move on from this life when the time came. Several weeks after my father’s passing, I noticed that I had become angry and I really could not put my finger on it until I was talking to a friend about it and she asked me to really lean into the anger. To my surprise, the anger was directed against my father, which made me even more perplexed. Why would I be angry at my father? He was no longer here in the physical form and I felt good that he had moved on and not suffering. Again, my friend asked me to lean in and feel why I was angry. As I leaned into the anger, I received that I had lived my life around pleasing my father and without him here, there was nobody left to please and the anger was about “how...

My Father

Last Thursday, my father past. I know that my father was not doing well and that his time would be soon, but this was pretty quick. He was not doing well, but we still had some hope that he would get better and then he had a bad night and was unresponsive the next morning. It was shortly after that, that he past away. I was sad and lost when I got the news. I was in San Francisco just about to leave for dinner with a friend of mine and just did not know what to do. I eventually went back to my hotel and booked a flight to Myrtle Beach to be with my family. I was not certain what to feel. It was a lot different than when my mother past. When my mother past, I wanted everybody to know as soon as possible. I posted that my mother has past on every social media that I was on, but for my father, I just posted that I was going to say goodbye to my father. Thankfully, my friends understood and sent their wishes and condolences. Some of the messages talked about my father being a “great man” and at first, I wondered who they were talking about? Did they know the man that I knew? He was a pretty stern father, but as I let those comment soak in, I started to remember the good times with my father. Yes, my father was very strict in raising us and I believe he was because he wanted something better for us. He flunked out of college and...

What Do I Want?

I have struggled with this question for years. There are areas where I have gotten what I have wanted, but I do not think that I have really ever fully embraced what I wanted. I was brought up to go to school, get a job, and you would have that job for a life time and then you would retire from that job and the pension you collected would take care of you and I had a strong role model for that, my father. Yes, I know that my father really did not like his job, he counted down the years to retirement and has been taken care of through his retirement from the company that he worked for so many years. Growing up, I have set goals and achieved them, but I do not think that I have ever set a goal for what I wanted in my work space. Work hard and the company will take care of you has worked for me for so many years. Why would I change my approach? Why? Because I know there is more that I can do and working hard at my job does not allow me to do the more that I think I am capable of. By working hard, my job will want me to just work harder and that may not be in alignment with what I really am capable of doing for the company, but it really comes down to what do I want? Yes, we are back to the question that started this whole trip. If I do not allow myself to answer the question...

Closing 2015

Today is the last day of 2015 and tomorrow, we begin 2016. I am approaching 2016 with more optimism than I did when I approached 2015. At the beginning of 2015, I had no idea what 2015 would bring, nor did I know what I wanted in 2015.In the first few weeks of 2015, I thought that I figured out what I wanted. I got really clear and excited about what I wanted to do and how I was going to do it. I even started to act as if it was already real, but it did not happen and then I was lost. I became uncertain about why my desires did not become my reality when I thought I was doing everything right to create my reality. So, what did I do? I put my head down and took care of what was in front of me and along the way, I became more clear about what I was supposed to be doing. The idea that I had at the beginning of the year was not what I was supposed to be doing and what showed up was more inline with what I was supposed to be doing. It took me most of the year to see that what I was doing during the year was more inline with what I was supposed to be doing versus what I wanted to create at the beginning of the year. As well, what was in front of me was only a small part of what I was supposed to be doing. I guess I needed to accept what was in...

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas to all! What is Christmas to you? One of the things that signifies Christmas to me is The Roger Whittaker Christmas Album. My father introduced this album to our family a long time ago and to me it is a wonderful expression of Christmas. I find that I get the most enjoyment from it when I listen to the album in the sequence it is presented on the album. Each song is well done and each song is very uplifting to me. None of the songs are the traditional songs that I grew up singing, but each one is special to me, like “Darcy the Dragon” which is the story of the troubles a dragon has buying Christmas gifts for his friends, because every time a dragon speaks, he breaths fire. “Country Christmas” reminds me of what it was like growing up in the country on Christmas with the fun of skating and sledding. “Home for Christmas” was my experience when I was getting ready to return from university for the Christmas holidays. The song starts with remembering what is going on back home and how it will be when I got home. For the traditionalists, there is “The Governor’s Dream”. “ The Governor’s Dream” is a premonition that Christ is coming and how troubling the dream was for the governor. As well, there is “Mama Mary”. “Mama Mary” has to be one of my favourites. It asks the questions of Mother Mary of how she felt about being the mother of Jesus. Finally, the album ends with “Tiny Angels”, which really hit home for me when...

Good Sunday Morning

Good Morning! It is Sunday morning and I am here at my local Starbucks doing what I try to do every weekend morning, write. Unless I have something on a weekend morning, I am normally here and writing something. Sometimes what I write makes enough sense to publish on my website and sometimes what I write is just a bunch of thoughts. Sometimes, I go down a rabbit hole with work and get work done, but I just chalk it up to that was what needed to come out of me at the time. What I write is really a reflection of what is going on in my life at the time. I enjoy writing, especially when I sit down and just write. I find that when I try and write something specific, I usually have a hard time until it is ready to come forth, but when I sit down and just focus on writing, something comes out. I try not to judge it, edit it, or control it. I just try to let it flow. Does writing always clear things for me? No, and I use other methods to help me bring my clear thoughts forward. I will go for walks, or runs. A walk is a good and peaceful way for me to collect my thoughts and running is a way for me to burn through some energy, because sometimes I have built up too much emotional charge around an issue to see what is really in front of me. After walking or running, I still find that sitting down and writing helps me clearly articulate my...

What is Life Calling You to Do?

Have you ever taken a moment and wondered why you chosen this lifetime? Are you just going from day to day doing the same things everyday? I know that sometimes I am guilty of doing just that. Getting up, going to work, coming home, going to bed, and repeat. I have put a high priority on work and my world has revolved around work. It was so bad at one time that I was lost on the weekend, because I have no work to do. Thankfully, I am getting better. Yes, work is a high priority for me, but I am finding time for me and those things that really matter for me. How am I doing it? I am starting to slow down and listen. I am listening to the inner voice coming from inside me. I am asking questions of myself and others and I am trying not to take on the energy of those around me. For you that do not understand energy, one example is that I am not taking on their urgency in a situation. Sometimes, people make things more urgent than it needs to be. I am working on coming up with my own urgency and asking questions helps me do that. At work, this can be challenging, and I like to make decisions, but I want to make the right decision and not the one that seems right because somebody is yelling at me. For example, I have a sales person at our organization who wants to close a deal and deliver it by the end of the year and we are...

You Cannot Give Away What You Do Not Have

On the way to workout this morning, I was listening to Wayne Dryer’s “It’s Never Crowded Along the Extra Mile”. In the book, he talks about his 10 secrets for success and inner peace. The principle that he talked about during this morning’s commute was that “you cannot give away what you do not have.” From a physical point of view, this make perfect sense. I cannot give you $10, if I do not posses $10, but Wayne was talking about something deeper than physical items. His first example was to talk about how you cannot give away love, if you do not love yourself first. Pause and think about this for a moment. Does this make sense to you? It took me a moment to believe what Wayne was talking about. He talked about peace. How can we as people have peace, if we do not know peace within us first? If you do not know peace, how can you create it outside of yourself? If you are not happy, how can you make other happy? Yes, I know it is a choice for others to be happy or not, but you cannot be an example of happiness, unless you know it first. All that is, comes from within me. Which ties right into what I am learning from Christy Whitman’s “Abundance Course.” In the course, Christy is teaching that everything comes from within me. For years, I have always thought when “this” happens, then I will have that. I have believed that my perfect day will begin with a workout in my home gym and then a meditation...

Friends

Friends. I am sure that you have many of them and each one has a different relationship with you. There are friends that you go to lunch with. There are friends that you gossip with. There are friends that you go to the local ballgame with. There are friends that you tell you complain to. There are friends that you share your deepest thoughts with. But, how many of them push you? And I do not mean push you into the pool. I mean push you to become better than you are today? Take a moment and think about it. Is there any one of your friends that makes you a better person? Do you spend enough time with them? Or do these friends sneak up on you and then you realize that you missed spending time with them? I had such an experience recently. I was having coffee with one of my friends that I had not seen in a long time and after we each talked about our families, our work, and other stuff. She turned to me and says, “What happened to your blog? I miss reading it.” And I realized that I have not written a blog in way to many weeks. I gave her an excuse about how my writing could not be posted, and that is partially right, but to be truthful, I have not taken the time to really write. So, as I left, I made a commitment to myself to start blogging again. So, here it is Rose. Thank you for the push! The gentile reminder that my blog is important....

If I Had A Million Dollars

Have you heard the song, “If I Had a Million Dollars?” by the Bare Naked Ladies? It is a song that talks about what they would do if they had a million dollars. Have you ever thought about having a million dollars? What would you do with it? Yea, I know, in today’s economy, a million dollars does not go as far as it used to. So, what if you have ten million dollars, what would you do? I know for me, it is easy to start thinking about what I would do with ten million dollars. I know for one thing, I would travel the world. There are many places that I would like to go and see, like Paris, Australia, Hawaii, the Great Wall of China, South Africa, and more. I think I could sit here for a while coming up with places that I would like to visit. This list only includes the cool places I would like to visit. There is also a list of friends that I would love to visit. I think that list would be even longer than the places that I want to see. Lucky, some of the places I want to visit, I have friends to see, which makes the travel a double win! For all the excitement of having the ten million dollars would bring, I start to worry about loosing the ten million dollars. What if I spend it all before I die? What would I do then? How would I get more money? As crazy as getting the ten million dollars feels, the fear of loosing the ten...

Do You Have A Vision?

How many of you out there dream of a better tomorrow? How often do you sit around and dream of a better life than you have right now? We can always think of something better than we have right now. It does not mean that we do not like what we have today, but we always want more than we have today. How many of you have a vision? I know that some of you have a vision, but I would be willing to bet that most of you are living you life with a dream for a better tomorrow. So, what is a vision? I believe a dream is something that would be nice to have and a vision is something we really want to make happen. I know that sounds like a goal, but I view a vision as the whole picture of your life and a goal is specific to a certain aspect of your life. For example, your vision may include a description of a healthy you, and a goal would be to exercise every day. Another difference between a dream and a vision is the action. If you are taking action, then you have a vision. If you are not taking action, then you just have a dream. How do you make a vision a reality? Step one, make it vivid. Describe it in as much detail as you can. Write it down and keep refining it. See, feel, and touch your vision and do it daily. Spend time in your vision. In this step, this may be spending time dreaming and that is...

Writing

On the weekends, I make my way to Starbucks, have my Chi, and write. I like getting up and writing as part of my day. I never know what I am going to write about and sometimes the writing makes its way to my blog. Why only sometimes? Well, there are a few reasons; sometimes what I write is not a complete thought. It is something that I am just starting to examine and I could not get my head around the thought. Sometimes what I write just does not make sense and takes a few writing sessions to clarify itself. Sometimes what I write is too personal and most of the time, it is not too personal for me, but too personal for the people I am writing about. I am not writing about the person, but my interaction with the person. I do try to do my best to hide who I am writing about, but when I cannot and I know how sensitive the topic is to that person, then I have to save those stories for another time. It is a shame, because some of those writings include some of my greatest insights about myself. Either way, I enjoy the writing process. For me, it is a form of meditation. I sit down, close my eyes, relax, and then let whatever comes to mind flow onto the page. I try and do very little editing in what I am thinking as I am writing, because when I get too caught up in editing I loose the importance of the thoughts that are trying to express...

Whose Happiness Are You Responsible For?

Think about it. List all the names of people that you are responsible for their happiness. Let’s see, your spouse or significant other, list all your children. Are their family members on that list? How about co-workers, or people you manage? Should I keep going? Are their friends that need you to be happy? How many names did you get on your list? 5, 10? Who is responsible for your happiness? How many people do you allow to be responsible to make you happy? Is that list bigger than the people you are responsible to make happy? Or is there nobody in your life who can make you happy? What if I told you that you are responsible for your happiness and only your happiness? First, do you believe me? I have been really feeling into this recently and I know that I am still working on it. When my wife is unhappy, it is hard for me to either not be unhappy, but also not to want to make her happy. But, it is her choice to be happy or not. I can try to influence her happiness, but she is the one who makes the choice. And, I can choose to be happy even if she chooses to be unhappy. Second, if you believe me that you are only responsible for your happiness, do you feel a weight life from your shoulders? I know that I do. When I know that I am not responsible for anybody else’s happiness, I feel it is much easier for me to be happy. Yes, it is a work in progress,...

Shine on Me!

Since the early days of the Internet, I have had at least one website. They have been filled with useful information and were very functional, but they have never really looked beautiful. When people ask me if I can help them with a website, I say yes, and that it will be functional, but it won’t be pretty. Well, today that has changed! My personal website, https://www.seanchiggins.com, has been upgraded and now it even looks beyond pretty. It is amazing! I had very little to do with the design and execution of the changes to the site. All the changes were the brain storm of Nathan Strickland. Nathan connected with me via LinkedIn and instead of just asking to redesign my website, he sent me some of his ideas for a website redesign in his first message. I liked the ideas and put him off, but he kept bugging me. One evening, I got an email from Nathan and he said, how about a video for your website? I was blown away! That is the video you can see on my website. And yet, I still delayed Nathan. Why? Because he was designing a website that would shine the light on me and make me stand out. I mean, you tell me. I cannot go around and hide what I do with a beautiful website like I have now. Can I? I am still a bit uncomfortable with the website, because it is greater than I see myself. Yes, the information on the website is true, but when I talk to people, I downplay what I do, think of...