Do you want things?

For a while now, I have been trying to figure out what I want and having a very hard time defining what I want and I think I am finally realizing that I have been conditioned to want “things” and I am starting to become dissatisfied with “things”. Don’t get me wrong, I have had a lot of things in my life and I have manifested a lot of things in my life. For example, at one time, I desired a BMW 7 series car and I manifested one. I loved driving it. The BMW 7 series is a wonderful car to drive, but it felt like a bit much of a car for me. I was always worried about it getting scratched or hit or what people were thinking about plain old simple me in this nice fancy car. I then manifested a BMW 5 series and felt much more comfortable in the 5 series over the 7 series. Yes, I know the 5 series is not as nice at the 7 series and I miss the 7 series, but I feel more comfortable in the 5 series. What is it about what I want that I really want? In thinking about that question, I am starting to realize that what I really want is the experiences, feelings, or memories that I am getting from the wanting. At one time, I had a bigger house on a multi acre property. It was a wonderful house, but what I really loved about that house was the memories that I have from living there, like the parties that we hosted...

What Are You Creating?

Have you ever considered that you are creating your life? And I can hear all of you saying, “But” and I know you are saying it because I am saying it to myself. How can I be creating my life if I have so many problems in my life. I do not have enough money. My job is a pain in the butt. My kids drive me nuts. My car is falling apart. And let’s not even get started about my family. What would it take for your situation to change? And I know some of you will say more money. Why do you not have more money? Well, didn’t you see my list above. Yes, I saw your list and we all have our lists and if you really think about it, they are your excuses and if you are willing to consider your list as excuses, then just maybe you can consider that you have created these excuses as part of the life that you created. I know that I have been thinking about this idea that I have created the life that I have for a while and I am starting to consider three possibilities about why I have created the life that I have. First, I have created this life because I have attracted it to me. If I look at my thoughts about my life, then I can start to see that I have attracted this life to me. Consider your thoughts. Are you thinking about all the money you do not have, or are you thinking about all the ways you can create...

Happy 80th Dad!

Today would have been my father’s 80th Birthday. It is hard to believe that it has been just over six months since he passed away. Since he has past, we have celebrated his life not once, but twice. Gotten the entire family together for only the second time since my mother passed away. Cleaned out his house, sold it, and found new homes for all of his possessions. Went to Yankee Stadium and watched the Red Sox beat the Yankees, which my father would have liked, but my sister did not. And that is just the stuff related to my father’s passing. For me personally, I was initially relieved that my father had passed. His health was declining and I think he was ready to move on from this life when the time came. Several weeks after my father’s passing, I noticed that I had become angry and I really could not put my finger on it until I was talking to a friend about it and she asked me to really lean into the anger. To my surprise, the anger was directed against my father, which made me even more perplexed. Why would I be angry at my father? He was no longer here in the physical form and I felt good that he had moved on and not suffering. Again, my friend asked me to lean in and feel why I was angry. As I leaned into the anger, I received that I had lived my life around pleasing my father and without him here, there was nobody left to please and the anger was about “how...

My Father

Last Thursday, my father past. I know that my father was not doing well and that his time would be soon, but this was pretty quick. He was not doing well, but we still had some hope that he would get better and then he had a bad night and was unresponsive the next morning. It was shortly after that, that he past away. I was sad and lost when I got the news. I was in San Francisco just about to leave for dinner with a friend of mine and just did not know what to do. I eventually went back to my hotel and booked a flight to Myrtle Beach to be with my family. I was not certain what to feel. It was a lot different than when my mother past. When my mother past, I wanted everybody to know as soon as possible. I posted that my mother has past on every social media that I was on, but for my father, I just posted that I was going to say goodbye to my father. Thankfully, my friends understood and sent their wishes and condolences. Some of the messages talked about my father being a “great man” and at first, I wondered who they were talking about? Did they know the man that I knew? He was a pretty stern father, but as I let those comment soak in, I started to remember the good times with my father. Yes, my father was very strict in raising us and I believe he was because he wanted something better for us. He flunked out of college and...

What Do I Want?

I have struggled with this question for years. There are areas where I have gotten what I have wanted, but I do not think that I have really ever fully embraced what I wanted. I was brought up to go to school, get a job, and you would have that job for a life time and then you would retire from that job and the pension you collected would take care of you and I had a strong role model for that, my father. Yes, I know that my father really did not like his job, he counted down the years to retirement and has been taken care of through his retirement from the company that he worked for so many years. Growing up, I have set goals and achieved them, but I do not think that I have ever set a goal for what I wanted in my work space. Work hard and the company will take care of you has worked for me for so many years. Why would I change my approach? Why? Because I know there is more that I can do and working hard at my job does not allow me to do the more that I think I am capable of. By working hard, my job will want me to just work harder and that may not be in alignment with what I really am capable of doing for the company, but it really comes down to what do I want? Yes, we are back to the question that started this whole trip. If I do not allow myself to answer the question...