My Father

Last Thursday, my father past. I know that my father was not doing well and that his time would be soon, but this was pretty quick. He was not doing well, but we still had some hope that he would get better and then he had a bad night and was unresponsive the next morning. It was shortly after that, that he past away. I was sad and lost when I got the news. I was in San Francisco just about to leave for dinner with a friend of mine and just did not know what to do. I eventually went back to my hotel and booked a flight to Myrtle Beach to be with my family. I was not certain what to feel. It was a lot different than when my mother past. When my mother past, I wanted everybody to know as soon as possible. I posted that my mother has past on every social media that I was on, but for my father, I just posted that I was going to say goodbye to my father. Thankfully, my friends understood and sent their wishes and condolences. Some of the messages talked about my father being a “great man” and at first, I wondered who they were talking about? Did they know the man that I knew? He was a pretty stern father, but as I let those comment soak in, I started to remember the good times with my father. Yes, my father was very strict in raising us and I believe he was because he wanted something better for us. He flunked out of college and...

What Do I Want?

I have struggled with this question for years. There are areas where I have gotten what I have wanted, but I do not think that I have really ever fully embraced what I wanted. I was brought up to go to school, get a job, and you would have that job for a life time and then you would retire from that job and the pension you collected would take care of you and I had a strong role model for that, my father. Yes, I know that my father really did not like his job, he counted down the years to retirement and has been taken care of through his retirement from the company that he worked for so many years. Growing up, I have set goals and achieved them, but I do not think that I have ever set a goal for what I wanted in my work space. Work hard and the company will take care of you has worked for me for so many years. Why would I change my approach? Why? Because I know there is more that I can do and working hard at my job does not allow me to do the more that I think I am capable of. By working hard, my job will want me to just work harder and that may not be in alignment with what I really am capable of doing for the company, but it really comes down to what do I want? Yes, we are back to the question that started this whole trip. If I do not allow myself to answer the question...

Closing 2015

Today is the last day of 2015 and tomorrow, we begin 2016. I am approaching 2016 with more optimism than I did when I approached 2015. At the beginning of 2015, I had no idea what 2015 would bring, nor did I know what I wanted in 2015.In the first few weeks of 2015, I thought that I figured out what I wanted. I got really clear and excited about what I wanted to do and how I was going to do it. I even started to act as if it was already real, but it did not happen and then I was lost. I became uncertain about why my desires did not become my reality when I thought I was doing everything right to create my reality. So, what did I do? I put my head down and took care of what was in front of me and along the way, I became more clear about what I was supposed to be doing. The idea that I had at the beginning of the year was not what I was supposed to be doing and what showed up was more inline with what I was supposed to be doing. It took me most of the year to see that what I was doing during the year was more inline with what I was supposed to be doing versus what I wanted to create at the beginning of the year. As well, what was in front of me was only a small part of what I was supposed to be doing. I guess I needed to accept what was in...

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas to all! What is Christmas to you? One of the things that signifies Christmas to me is The Roger Whittaker Christmas Album. My father introduced this album to our family a long time ago and to me it is a wonderful expression of Christmas. I find that I get the most enjoyment from it when I listen to the album in the sequence it is presented on the album. Each song is well done and each song is very uplifting to me. None of the songs are the traditional songs that I grew up singing, but each one is special to me, like “Darcy the Dragon” which is the story of the troubles a dragon has buying Christmas gifts for his friends, because every time a dragon speaks, he breaths fire. “Country Christmas” reminds me of what it was like growing up in the country on Christmas with the fun of skating and sledding. “Home for Christmas” was my experience when I was getting ready to return from university for the Christmas holidays. The song starts with remembering what is going on back home and how it will be when I got home. For the traditionalists, there is “The Governor’s Dream”. “ The Governor’s Dream” is a premonition that Christ is coming and how troubling the dream was for the governor. As well, there is “Mama Mary”. “Mama Mary” has to be one of my favourites. It asks the questions of Mother Mary of how she felt about being the mother of Jesus. Finally, the album ends with “Tiny Angels”, which really hit home for me when...

Good Sunday Morning

Good Morning! It is Sunday morning and I am here at my local Starbucks doing what I try to do every weekend morning, write. Unless I have something on a weekend morning, I am normally here and writing something. Sometimes what I write makes enough sense to publish on my website and sometimes what I write is just a bunch of thoughts. Sometimes, I go down a rabbit hole with work and get work done, but I just chalk it up to that was what needed to come out of me at the time. What I write is really a reflection of what is going on in my life at the time. I enjoy writing, especially when I sit down and just write. I find that when I try and write something specific, I usually have a hard time until it is ready to come forth, but when I sit down and just focus on writing, something comes out. I try not to judge it, edit it, or control it. I just try to let it flow. Does writing always clear things for me? No, and I use other methods to help me bring my clear thoughts forward. I will go for walks, or runs. A walk is a good and peaceful way for me to collect my thoughts and running is a way for me to burn through some energy, because sometimes I have built up too much emotional charge around an issue to see what is really in front of me. After walking or running, I still find that sitting down and writing helps me clearly articulate my...