After writing last week about being responsible and Hoʻoponopono, I really started to notice my judgements. During my long commute to, and from, the office, when somebody cuts me off, my judgements start to flow and calling them a “jerk”, and jerk is the PG rated thing that I would call them, but after calling them a jerk, I noticed that this was my judgement of them and I start to think about other reasons why they might have cut me off. Yes, the other reasons are judgements as well, but them being a jerk makes me mad versus me thinking they are in a rush to some emergency – a more compassionate judgement. Thinking of the other reasons gets me to shift from being angry to a state where I can start to simply send them love, which is the start of Ho’oponopono and then I continue with the rest of Ho’oponopono.
Does that mean that I have stopped calling people who cut me off jerks. Not totally, but I am starting to send them love when they cut me off and skipping calling them a jerk. Yes, just starting. I did have a good laugh towards the end of the week when a car cut off the car behind me and I could tell the guy who got cut off was pissed off. He laid on the horn, used some hand gestures, and then I could see the guy in front of him drive slowly, which pissed off the guy behind him even more. Yes, I sent both of them love and hoped their day went well.
I know that I have a long way to go in my judgements of other people, but I can feel a softening starting. The first step for me was to start noticing the judgements and it has been interesting for me to call them out.
I was in a meeting with a bunch of people and one person started talking and all I could think was, “he just does not get it does he” and realized that was my judgement of him, belittling him. Yes, I know that I did not say it out loud, but I thought it and even thinking it stills means that I judged him. I had to take a moment and release my judgement and send him love, say I was sorry, and ask for forgiveness (yes, to myself).
As I am thinking about judgements, are all judgements bad? I wonder, if I am using the judgement to make somebody better is it a bad judgement? For example, if I judge somebody as a poor performer and I want to help them, is that a bad judgement? Yes, because it is my judgement of the person. But, if I focus on their work. Their work is poor, no relationship to who they are, then I am not judging them. I am judging their behaviour. I think it is an interesting consideration. Am I judging the person, or the thing? Yea, I know most of my judgements are of a person versus the thing they do, but something to work on.
How often are you judging people? Take some time this week and just notice when you are judging people. When you notice your judgements, does it make you want to do something different? Are you using your judgements so you not to deal with that person?
If you have some questions about judgements, leave me a comment below. If you would like to have a conversation about judgements, or something else, let me know.